Saturday, December 29, 2012

Good bye 2012! Hello 2013!

2012 is coming to an end and what a year it has been. So many changes happened that it almost feels like I went through 5 years instead of just 1.
To recap
In February I quit my part time job and became a full time stay at home mommy.
In April my dad had a heart attack.
In May Dusty decided to apply for the Master's program at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and was accepted.
In June I gave birth to our second child. Welcome baby RaeLynn!
Also in June Collin turned 2 and I packed up our entire lives to move for Dusty to go to school
In July we moved to my home town until our housing became available at the school. Dusty went onto Fort Worth to find a job and get set up T school.
In August the kids and I joined Dusty in Fort Worth with the help of my parents and grandmother.
Classes began and so did our new journey.
As the semester carried on we started making friends and getting used to our new home.
November brought Thanksgiving and a wonderful chance to get to know some family I hadn't spent much time with before.
And that brings us to December and Christmas. We traveled to Oklahoma and spent the holiday with Dusty's mom, step dad, brother and step brother.
It was a roller coaster but I wouldn't have changed a thing. With that said it's time to look forward to 2013. I'm not one to make resolutions but I do make goals.
So my 10 goals for the new year are:
1. Set and stick to a schedule
2. Exercise and eat more healthy
3. Develop my quiet time
4. Consistent bible study
5. Begin school with Collin
6. Find time to nurture my marriage
7. Develop friendships
8. Get more involved in church
9. Blog more often
10. Take classes toward the SSWP certificate program
So there Ya have it. My 10 goals for 2013. I pray that I will be able to focus on these goals and grow in the next 12 months.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Thankfulness Garland

During the month of November I decided I really wanted some fall decorations up in the house. Now that I have a house worth decorating I wanted to try. But, unfortunately, living on a Seminary budget doesn't really allow me the freedom to run down to the closest Garden Ridge or Hobby Lobby and just start whipping out decorations. So I had to get creative.

In the process I was searching through Pinterest when I came across a cute little tutorial for a Thankfulness garland that Collin could help me with.

It was really simple. I started with brown paper bags. And since I like to shop at Sprouts I was able to get those when I went grocery shopping instead of plastic bags.

From there I just traced several fall leave patterns onto the bag. I then let Collin color on the paper bags. When he decided he was done coloring I cut out the leaves. I glued them onto a long  piece of ribbon and hung it up on the wall.

On different paper I cut out more leaf shapes that we wrote each day something we were thankful on. I then attached that to the garland. It was kinda the same principle of the Thankfulness posts on facebook but this was for my little piece of the world. I liked having the reminder there every time I walked into the livingroom that I had so much to be thankful for.

Here are a few pics of how it turned out



Friday, November 16, 2012

"Do as unto the Lord"

Tuesday marked the end of my first semester here at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Dusty, on the other hand, still has a few more weeks until his classes are done. During the last 12 or so weeks I spent 3+ hours every Tuesday night in a classroom with 40 or so other women all in basically the same place in life I am in. All of us have husbands who have been called into the ministry and are currently on the road to the education that will allow them to fullfil that call. Some of the ladies have been here a bit longer than I have and others are still new to this just like I am. But no matter if some ladies are getting ready to move on to the next stage in life or if some of us still have several years to go in that room we were all on the same page.

During the course of the class I learned a lot. I learned a lot about what the Bible has to say about women. Women as women, women as wifes, women as mothers, women as homemakers, and even women within the ministry.  As I sat in class trying to pay attention to what my professor was trying to get accross, often times being distracted by RaeLynn fussing or being disruptive, I began to realize that the picture that I have created for myself of what it means to be a wife, mother, and at this stage in my life, homemaker is completely flawed. I'm sure this has a lot todo with that fact that I am completely flawed but thats another topic for another time.

I have always felt, and I can't really say why, that if the house isn't picked up and presentable 100% of the time and if the kids aren't behaving completely then I must be failing at my job. I have this constant coat of guilt resting heavily on my shoulders if for any reason I stop and take a break during the day knowing that my wonderful husband is out there working hard and not getting the chance to just sit and relax. I stress out worrying that my kids aren't getting enough of me when I have to step away to clean up a mess or fold the laundry, but at the same time feeling like I'm not accomplishing enough on my todo list for the day. I have this narrow picture of what I am supposed to be doing all the time and because I have been working so hard to fit into that picture I have missed the most important part. "Do as unto the Lord."

"As unto the Lord" What does that even mean? Well, during the class I learned that, now, during this stage of my life with 2 small children at home, a husband working basically full time hours and going to school full time, and having a house to maintain if the laundry doesn't get folded but I spent a few extra minutes outside running with my son so that he would be happy and know what a loving mother is and begin learning how to properly treat women then I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. If my decision is going to glorify God in the long run then the dishes and the clothes can wait.

On the same note, if for some reason I have to set aside some time when Collin and RaeLynn just have to wait for my attention because there are tasks that must be completed then I, again, will be glorifying the Lord as I teach my children a number of lessons in that moment. Teaching them patience, control, and an understanding that we all have responsibilities. If they can learn that though my actions as a homemaker then I must be doing something right, right?

In the next few years I am going to have the opportunity to learn even more on what it truely means to be a woman, wife, mother, homemaker, and wittness after God's own heart. I find that the more and more I think about it the more I can't wait to dig my heels in and really get to studying and learning from all the amazing women that here on this campus. The resources I have access are just wonderful. Next semester I will be taking 2 more classes and I am already anxious to get started. In this process I want to ask for your prayers.
Pray I learn everything God wants me to know, pray that God shows us how to work our finances so I can participate in these classes, pray I find the ways to use what I am learning in my life and pray that I can be supportive to Dusty as he is taking his classes and working for our family as well.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Conversation with my Spouse

Tomorrow is the final exam for my Wives of Equiping Ministers class that I have been taking here at the Seminary.  Part of my course requirements for the semester was to have an hour long, uninterrupted conversation with my spouse. We were to focus on life and ministry dreams and goals and to work on casting the vision God has for our family.

Well, as Dusty and I are so good at we procrastinated untill the last minute. Meaning we were up as 6 this morning having this conversation. On one hand I hated getting up early just to "do homework", but on the other hand I really liked that I waited to have this talk at the end of the semester for me so I could really put into practive much of what I have learned over the last several weeks.

What we came up with was this:

Dusty's Life Mission:
~To reach families though men to teach them how to be Godly men and to lead thier families into a right relationship with Christ.

Elizabeth's Life Mission
~Through hospitaltiy both inside and outside the home show families today the love of Christ while helping my husband to properly equip men and women to lead their families.

Dusty's Passions:
~Men ages 18-30
~Amtgard
~Anything involving Superman

Elizabeth's Passions
~Women 18-30
~Hospitality/Entertaining
~Being the wife and mother God created me to be to the fullest of my potential

Dusty's Dreams
~ Do effective ministry with men in today's society
~Create a passion and desire for ministry that will one day be passed down to our children and so on.

Elizabeth's Dreams
~Educate myself to properly help Dusty with his call to ministry thorugh a Master's of Christian Education with a concentration in Homemaking
~Show my children what it means to be a wife and mother after God's own heart.

With in the next few weeks we plan to have further discussion on setting both family and ministry short and long term goals. I am hoping that with this we will be able to finally see more clearly the direction that God is taking us in at this moment.

While having this conversation, however, I came to a conclusion about myself. I realized that I am, be it consciously or subconsciously, not allowing myself to think about or even have my own hopes, passions, and dreams. I have come to some type of realization that I need to put aside me until Dusty is through with school and the kids are a bit older. I just tell myself that there will be time for me later on. But I have to stop and wonder if I'm doing what God wants me to be doing by having those thoughts and feelings?

Don't get me worng. My first priority is to raise my kids and take care of the home while Dusty is either in class or at work. But is that all I'm here to do for this point in time? Do I have nothing more to offer or accomplish? Do I really have to wait 7+ years for Dusty to finish school before I can even think about starting mine?

These are things that Dusty and I plan on discussing and really praying about. I don't want to look back someday and think that I could have really done more.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Its been a while....

In the last few weeks a lot has happened in my little corner of the world.

First of all, my phone service was disconnected due to the fact that we couldn't pay the bill. Thats what happens when you have one person in the family working semi-part time and taking Master degree classes full time and another person that doesn't bring in any income because me working full time and him working part time still wouldn't cover the cost of child care.

Secondly, we ended up with a major virus on the computer. (Its fixed now.) With that I lost my last form of communication with everyone. And I mean everyone. I couldn't even get a hold of Dusty to find out when he would be getting off work.

In the 1.5 weeks that I had no communication I was forced to step outside of my comfort zone and really start seeing the new world I was living in. I spent more time outside with the kids where the other mom's in my neighborhood were at with their kids as well. I started to have real conversations with some of my neighbors. I also made a new friend. Well, actually Dusty became friends with her husband first and then we just kinda went from there.

Along with that I spent a lot more time with my kids. I learned that Collin can do all the motions and sing the song "Itsy Bitsy Spider." I didn't know he could do that. I also had a lot more full length conversation with him. It is amazing how well he can communicate as just 2 years old. He speaks in full paragraphs most of the time. I am just in awe at how smart he really is.

So, while I like knowing when my husband will be home for dinner and having the ability to just text a friend instead of having to walk to her house I have come to the conclusion that I really need to unplug more often. I need to take the time to step out of myself and my own personal pitty party to see what I have around me. My kids are growing up way to fast and I realized that I am missing a big part of it. Sure, I am here when they need me. I am basically with my beautiful children 24/7 but I am missing the little things. Like the fact that Collin likes to sing and that RaeLynn is ready to be sitting up more on her own. I need to focus on the little stuff.

Now, on another note: My exercise and diet are completely off track. I was doing so well for a while but then Halloween and stress hit. I know, I know. Sounds like a lot of excuses but that's not the point. The point is I'm not giving up. Sure I set myself back a bit but that doesn't mean I can't start over.

I did actually get all the way through the 30 Day Shred but when you are taking in more calories than you are burning it really doesn't matter. So I'm going to try something different. I don't really know what yet but I will figure it out before tomorrow morning and start then.

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Weekly Weigh-In and Other Ramblings

Fat loss 101: Scale weight is the least important measurement for evaluating your progress!To begin with, I know I'm a day late on my weekly weigh in. I did do it yesterday but things have been a bit stressful around here lately so I just didn't get time to put it in.

So here goes:

Week 2 weight: 215.0 (yay down a whole pound!!)
Week 2 waist: 35 inches
Week 2 arms: 12.5 inches
Week 2 thighs: 23.5 inches
Week 2 hips: 49 inches
Week 2 chest: 39.5 inches

So progress! I'm feeling better about this. I have really been trying to watch what I eat but since I have a house full of wonderful goodies for Halloween (Thanks Brenda! :) ) It has been a bit slow going.

So onto the "Other Ramblings"

Here at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary there is a wonderful women's program. There are undergraduate programs, graduate programs, and even doctoral programs designed just for women seeking to go into the ministry. Or to work along side their husbands in what ever ministry God might call them to.

I am currently enrolled in a class call "Wife of the Equiping Minister." It is the first class in the Seminary Studies for Student Wives program. This is a certificate program that I will be enrolling myself into next semester. The class I am taking now is free, along with the child care for my babies. The rest of the classes are given at a reduced rate to allow wives to get a seminary education along with their husbands. I can't wait to get completely enrolled in the program and begin my journey to my cerfiticate.

However, I have bigger dreams. Once I finish with this program I also want to get my master's degree. In what you might ask? Well, the degree program is a Masters in Christian Education with a concentration on Homemaking.



HOMEMAKING?????
HOLD THE PHONE!!!

Yes, ladies and gents, I want  to get a degree in homemaking. And with that degree I plan to become an event planner, or an author, or a teacher. I just really don't know what yet. Especially since that is several years down the road.

So there you have it. My new dreams and aspirations. Luckly, I have the full support of my husband on these dreams. He actually wants me to begin my master's now but that just isn't in the financial cards. But one day I will have it. I might even look at getting my doctoate in women's studies. Who knows. But for now, this is the path that God has laid on my heart and I plan to do the best I can in fullfilling it.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Monday Weigh-In

Last week was rough. I was excited and ready to take on the world with my excerise and diet changes and I just knew this would be easy. Then Thrusday hit and I got tired. Chasing after 2 kids, maintaining the house, cooking the meals, and everything else I had to get done was exhausting. Isn't it always though. There were several nights that I didn't even get a workout in until 9 PM. But with the help and encouragement from Dusty I made it through the week. I exercised all 7 days. And with that here are my weekly results:
Week 1 weight: 216.0 pounds
Week 1 waist: 35.5 inches
Week 1 arms: 13.5 inches
Week 1 thighs: 25.0 inches
Week 1 hips: 49.5 inches
Week 1 chest:39.5 inches

So even with my lack of motivation on some days I have to say I did pretty good. The weight isn't down like I want it to be but there are several inches lost so I guess thats progress.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Setting New Goals

Last month I tried to start the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred workout program. I got 15 days though it and I gave up. Mostly, I wasn't getting much sleep and I was too tired to really work out. Well, yesterday I made a decision to try agian. This time I want to do it right. I am going to push my self to get through the entire 30 days.

This morning I did my starting weight and I took my starting measurements. Here they are:
Starting Weight: 216.4 lbs
Starting Waist: 38 in
Starting Arms: 14 in
Starting Thighs: 27 in
Starting Hips: 50 in
Starting Chest 40.5 in

So there they are. I hope to add a before picture as soon as I can get it downloaded to my computer.

I will be weighing in and measuring on Mondays so stay tuned for next week's update.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Finding "Me" Time

In the last week I have had almost no sleep. Late nights along with RaeLynn not wanting to sleep has left me a bit sleep deprived. In the process of this I have pretty much let everything go. I was doing very well with exercising everyday as soon as the kids went down for a nap. I was even down about 4 pounds. I also had the house completely under control. Ok, well not completely, but with a 2 year old and a 3 month old at least I could clean up in the evening relatively quickly. I was even having time to sit and read some while the kids were resting.

Well, this last week it all changed. With the lack of sleep I have had a serious lack of energy. With the lack of energy I have also had a lack of motivation. And with the lack of motivation I have also been a bit cranky. 

So, I got the house back in order today. I spent the day putting things back where they needed to go, getting my house, kids, and mind back to the way it was. Along with that I dug out all my scrapbooking supplies, pictures, and my passion for preserving my memories.

In the process of the day I began to realize, that even though I was exhausted, I felt better when things were cleaned up. .It was refreshing to know that when I get up in the morning I will be able to start the day fresh. I won't have to be playing catch up all day tomorrow.

I also realized that I need to take more time for myself. So starting on Monday I am starting to use the kid's nap time for me. Exercising and then some type of crafting. I'm looking forward to being able to feel like I'm doing something for me.  Stay tuned. I might even post some pictures.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Psalm of A Seminary Wife

Books I hate you
hate your claims
upon my husband
hiding there behind your covers
instead of under mine.
Who ever thought that I'd
play second fiddle to a book?

Typewriter I hate you
typing papers
typing thesis
footnotes, quotes,
diaphoersis.
Who ever thought that I'd be
secretary
to  my mate?

Apartment I hate you
hate the room
where babies
and cries
disturbing other tenants
and my huband
as he studies all the time.

Meals I hate you
hate the pennies
I am watching
as I serve
by light of candle
gourmet mararoni dishes
to my educational husband
on the run.

Joy I hate you
hate they way
my husband's growing
in his knowledge and becoming
educated more and more
while I'm tied to
stupid repetitions
rote of work.

Husband I hate you
hate your easy
expectation that I'm free from al emotion
keeping children
from commotion
so that you
can study all the time.

Tears I hate you
hate the way
you come unbidden
when he hails to hug or kiss me
and when he forgets
to pray or read the Bible unassigned

God I love you.
Are you suprised?
I know I'd be
if someone griped of situation
thought I'd planned their deprivation
when my plan
my love convieved
was for thier total good.

By: Joseph Bayly


This poem was handed out to us in my Wife of the Epuiping Minister class that I am taking on Tuesday nights.  I foud that as I read through it, even after only being here for a month, I could completely relate to the entire thing.  It also helped to remind me that even though, right now, I feel like no one out there can really understand how I'm feelling or what I'm going though I can know that there are hundreds or women that have been in my exact same position before. I am comforted in the fact that they all made it though this time of their lives and became better and stronger for it and all I can pray is that I too will become better and stronger fromt the experiences that are waiting a head.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Not Enough

In the three weeks that we have been here on the Southwestern Baptist Theological Campus I have attended 3 classes for the Wife of the Equiping Minster classes. A course that is designed to help prepare the future minister's wife. I have also attended a Metochi meeting, and organization made up of student and staff wives. The purpose of this ministry is also to prepare and encourage wives of future ministers. I have also attended a Southwestern Women get together called the Chocolate Connection. A two hour mixer for just the women on campus that involved chocolate and caramel dipping sauces with a variety of goodies to snack on, all for the purpose for women to have a chance to get to know one another.
Through out the course of these women's gathering I have come to one conclusion: I am not enough.

I'm not cheerful enough.
I'm not perky enough.
I'm not spiritual enough.
I'm not educated enough.
I'm not put together enough.

My hair isn't good enough.
My make up use isn't enough.
My wardrobe is definately not enough.

I find myself having a very hard time connecting with anyone around me and I realized why. I'm just not what they are looking for. I'm trying really hard to find some way to fit in but I'm realizing I'm not from the same mold as most of these women. I feel like I am going to have to really change who I am to be able to make any true connections and that scares the living day lights out of me. The last think I want to do is lose myself in the effort of becoming the "pastor's wife". But the I find myself asking, "Is there really an option at this point?"

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Justification

In the last few months of my life I have really taken the time to sit back and think about, well, a lot of things. And why I chose those particular paths in life.

When I was in high school I had to justify why I did or didn't play a particular sport or get involved in a particular organization.  I also had to justify why I chose to hang out and assoicate with this person or that person.

When I went on to collage I found I had to justify why I chose the school I did, what my major and minor decisions were, and yet agian, who I chose to spend my time with. Along with that I had to justify my summer vaction plans, my winter vacation plans, and my part time work choices. All while taking upwards of 18 credit hours a semester.

Once I graduated and got married I had to yet again justify my work situation, the reason behind waiting to have children, my husband's profession decisions, and how my husband and I chose to handle our finances they way we did.

2 years later when pregnant with my first child I had to justify my reasoning behind a hospital birth, why I was going to bottlefeed instead of breastfeeding, and why I was most likely going to stay at home rather than return to work after my 6 weeks of recovery were up.

While in labor I felt I had to justify why I needed pain medication, why I chose to have an epidural, and my need to get some rest after 21 long and exhausting hours of labor.

Once he was born I again had to justify why I was feeding my son formula instead of breastmilk. I also had to justify my choice to fully vacinate my child, my choice to be a part time stay at home mom (even though my son went to work with me everyday), and why I chose to take preventitive measures to insure we wouldn't be having any more children anytime soon.

When I got pregnant with our daughter when our son was only 15 months old I had to justify why we would be having this baby, again my feeding preferences,my decision to use cloth diapers and my decision to become a full time stay at home mom.

Just 2 months before baby girl was born my husband made a drastic decision that has changed our lives. I had to justify why I was supporting his decision to go back to school, why I was ok with moving to a completely different state for this to happen, and that this would be what is best for our family.

All along the road I am finding myself feeling the need to justify my decisions to those around me. Why does it matter to anyone how I choose to feed my children? Are they happy and healthy? Yes, well then leave me alone. 

So you don't like this person or that person? Not my problem. If you can't be nice around them while around me then maybe we need to reevaluate our friendship.

I have a degree but I'm a stay at home mom. Absolutely, have you seen the cost of child care in this country? Me working wouldn't be worth it. You think I should be out in the work force? You gonna watch my children for free?  I didn't think so.

If I choose to go back into the work force it it really anyone's business? No, not really. Am I doing a disservice to my children? Most likely not. Because I know what my kids need and it might just be time away from mom.

The point is if you feel like you have to justify all the moves you make then maybe you should really take stalk in who you are confiding in. If you have to spell out all your accomplishments so that everyone can see it then maybe you are trying to convince yourself you have done everything you wanted to do and not those around you. Because if people really supported you they wouldn't care why you do the things you do. They would just want to know that you are making the best decision for yourself and your family without the need to interjecet their thoughts and feelings on the matter.

And I'm proud to say that in the last few months I have figured out how to surround myself with just those types of people. The ones that will be supportive and uplifting no matter what the decisions my husband and I make for our family. Just as long as we are all happy, healthy, and on the right path!

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

A Good Wife??

Late last night a friend posted a link on Facebook to a blog about a 1950's  housekeeping monthly article on "How to be a Good Wife."  The author picked the article to pieces and explained in some very colorful words her distaste for the article.  The friend of mine that posted this also announced her distaste for the principles brought to light.  After seeing my friend's original post and strong view point on the subject I felt I had to see what she was talking about before I made a rash judgement.

So I read the blog.  Here are the 1950's suggestions:

 Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over the tables.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.


Now, don't get me wrong. I don't 100% agree with all of thses suggestions but I do have to sit back and think that maybe, just maybe if we as women were to try to regain some control of our house holds and instill some of these values then the world might be a better place.

For example: What would happen if we eliminated eating fast food in the car 5 out of 7 days a week rushing from this class to that practice and from this game to that recital?  What would happen if dinners were ready as soon as dad got home from work and the entire family sat down at the table to have a full conversation that didn't involve competeing with the sound level of the tv or the distraction of our smart phones or facebook?  Would things run a bit smoother in your house being able to discuss everyone's daily lives?  I know they would in my home.

Secondly, what is so wrong with doing away with the clutter? We in America have way to much stuff. Why on Earth do we need so much junk lying around the house? Is it really getting us anywhere?  No, I didn't think so.

The next item that I think is, well, a given is to be happy to see him.  The man is your husband for goodness sake. Shouldn't you be happy to see the man you have choosen to be your life partner walking though the door at the end of a long day? And even if its for no other reason than you can now know that there is an extra set of hands to help with the kids.

"Don't greet him with complaints and problems."  Ok, that one isn't as easy. But I have found that if I give Dusty just a few minutes to get in the house and get settled before I lay on him how long or horrible my day might have been he is usually more willing to help me through the problem. Even if it means he watches the kids while I go for a walk alone.  If he comes into the house to nothing but complaints the last thing he will want to do is help you out. I promise.

Htoes are the four that I find to be the most prominent. The ones that, if instilled into American families today, might just have an impact on the direction the country is going in.  But thats just my opinion.

One of the comments that I read on that particular blog post said that it seemed to her that the article was more like an ideal, or a guideline on how women during that time period should strive to be.  She stated that very few women actually managed to live up to everything on that list.  When I read that my mind immediately jumped to Proverbs.

Proverbs, this stong book with explaination after explaination of what a Godly, God fearing man is.  Then you come to the end of the book. Proverbs chapter 31. This chapter dedicated to what a Godly woman is. And everywoman would just love to skip over that chapter, because, well lets face it, no one can really live up to that.  I read that book and instead of feeling impowered I just feel more frustrated, with thoughts that I might be letting my family down because I just can't be all of those things. But then, I find out that, the guideline isn't really for me. Really, its a lesson for the men on what to look for. That if a woman has even a few of those wonderful qualities he would be lucky to have her as his wife. And that gives me encouragement. Because I know that with in that laundry list of talents written in Proverbs 31 I have at least one or two.  And that I have the atributes that I need to best suit my family. So, maybe this article in the 1950's magazine wasn't just a guideline for a woman on how to do her domestic duty, but it was also a check list for a man. To find a woman that will know how to be what she needs to be to her family.  Food for thought? I think so.


Sunday, August 12, 2012

If Only....

"It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult." -Seneca


As I sat and watched the closing ceremonies of the 2012 Summer Olympics tonight I started to think about all the things that I have wanted to do but was just to scared to try. Or thought that I wasn't good enough.  It kinda made me sad

I know that softball and baseball are no longer Olympic events (which is a huge shame if you ask me) but softball is my sport of choice. It always has been. Well, that and basketball but I was never tall enough to be a decent baskeball player.  Anyway, my dad tried to convince me to try out to be a walk on for the softball team at the college I went to but I was always just to afraid that I wouldn't be good enough so I never did.  I made up excuse after excuse as to why I couldn't try out. Now that I look back I really wish I would have tried.  I did get to play a season of church league softball but that wasn't really ever enough. So now I wonder if I would have tried harder and put myself out there could I have been more in the way of sports? Could I have made it to the US National Team? Or would I have fallen flat on my face?  Unfortunately, those are questions I will never get answered.

Now that I have kids I find myself sitting and dreaming of the days that I will be the one running around like a chicken with my head cut off getting them from one place to another.  Thinking about baseball and football practices for Collin, or dance classes and gymnastic practices for RaeLynn (not that she can't play sports if she wants to). I try to keep these thoughts as much to myself as I can because I really don't want to turn into that pushy parent that is basically living vicarously though her kids. I want them to do what they want to do in the relm of exrta-cirricular activites. I will be perfectly happy if neither one of my kids ever play any type of sport, but I don't want them to regret not trying either.

I guess the biggest thing is that I find myself asking how do you find the right balance? The balance between pushing them to do their best versus trying to turn your dreams into theirs. I guess I'm lucky that both of them are really to young for this to be an issue yet. I just hope that I will be able to really find that balance between supportive and encourgaing parent and super psychotic slave driving coach type.  But time will really tell.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

A New Begining

I have memeories of being a small child but I don't have many. Mostly, I remember from about 3rd grade on. Thats when we moved to Cloudcroft, New Mexico. A small town in the mountians. I mean really small. There were about 200 kids in the entire school district. Thats K-12. Like I said, small. But we liked it that way. Everyone knew everyone else. It was the classic case of "it takes a village" Everyone was like family in one way or another.

So there I was for 10 years of my life. 3rd grade until I graduated. Friendships were made, friendships were lost, life went on as usual. And then I graduated from high school. While most  of my graduating class of 48 students went on to University of New Mexico or New Mexico State University I went a different direction. I choose the College of the Southwest (now known as the Universtiy of the Southwest), in Hobbs, New Mexico. Well, I went to a branch school in Carlsbad first, then on to Hobbs. It was there that I met my best friend, my husband, and many other people that would inpact my life and be a part of it even today. College for 4 years, then my first home with my husband for 4 more.

A total 18 years + 8 more that are basically unaccounted for. Thats 26 years of familar New Mexico life. A life close to my family who I am really attached to. And its about to all change. I'm moving to Texas.

Ok, so I know your thinking, Texas, thats like right next to New Mexico right? Well, ya it is but still its like 10 hours away from my family which is something I'm having to come to grips with. And its HUMID. I mean like, need a shower the minute you step out the front door, humid. At least it is to me. I'm so used to this dry heat. But I guess I will survive.

Why the move? Well, my wonderful husband is going back to school. He is going to be getting his master's degree. I'm so increadably proud of him for taking this step. I just know that he will be much happier about things once this journey starts. A Master of Divinty. Which is basically just training to go into the ministry again. Yep, again. We tried it once with no training and guidance and well, we will just say it didn't work out so well. So we are going to try it again. This time with some proper training under the belt.

So, here I go. On to new beginings. I'm hoping that with this new journey I will also be able to become a new me. I am working on the outter me as well as the inner. I have started with daily exercising and watching what I eat. Calorie counting has always worked for me so thats what I'm doing.  As soon as we get moved completely and I get setteled I plan to start the couch to 5K program. I want to train myself up to run a 5k, and eventually I would like to work up to at least a half marathon if not a full one. 

As for the inner me, well, I haven't exactally figured out that one yet. I know I need to look into a new Bible study. One that I can really get into. I have several that I have started and gotten part way through then fizzle out on. But I know I will find one that works for me eventually.

I am also working on being a better, more engaged parent to my 2 beautiful children. Collin and RaeLynn are the light of my life and I want to spend as much time with them as I possibly can. Collin is just so smart. I look forward to having the oppertunity to take him to bigger and better places where he can continue to learn and grow.  And I just know that RaeLynn is going to be the same way. She is already so smart at 2 months old already holding her head up and she is constantly alert.

Lastly, I'm working on my relationships. My relationship with my husband as well as the one's with my friends. I am working on becoming a better wife. A more attentive wife. I know Dusty will say that I do just fine but I don't always feel that way. And I need friends. I mean, I have friends, but I need people I know I can talk to. I'm looking into MOPS groups in the area but I'm just not sure if I will be able to make myself go. That, I guess, is just a bridge I will have go cross when I get there.

So those are my goals for my new begining. Wish me luck!